....... And make me a Masterpiece....

Do not ask me how much I love you,
They have not invented a unit for it yet.

Just know that when I am beside you,
That is the only time I feel complete,
That when you lie next to me sleeping,
Your breath is the most calming noise ever.

I crave for your lips,
Your tongue,
Your hair,
Your neck,
Every piece of you I wish to be mine,
Making love instead of having sex,
This difference you have helped me find.

The time spent rushes by,
The gaps in between, never ending nights,
I stare at the stars in despair,
Knowing that somewhere you do it too.

And I wait for you like unfinished art,
Please come soon and complete me.

~


Original Author: Dr. Palak Roy

The Beggining of an End

And when you said it had to end, my heart skipped a bit.
Tears rolled down my cheeks such that it hurt so hard.
I fought to stop you, but in the end I had to just up and let you go. Well aware of the wars that lies ahead of you waiting to be fought. I didn't let you leave cause I was too weak. No, I let you leave cause you had goals to set, dreams to achieve, legacies to build, and a life of your own to pursue.

Your absence won't change a thing, it won't change a thing at all, of the affection I have for you. It will remain undeterred .

The feelings you've elicited in me will remain the way you left them. The memories you've gifted me will remain, engraved in such that no catastrophe will alter or replace them. Ever.

Images of you will be my souvenir
I'll forever cherish those days with you that made me smile a little wider, laugh a little harder, and feel a little fervently.
I'll seal that smile you've gifted me and keep it buried underneath my heart.

And as the nights draw nigh, I'll ponder upon those moments and engrave them once more deeper into my heart, clutch them a little tighter and shed tears until my eyes are empty of more.

And just maybe, one day, when my heart yearns for a a touch of breathe, I'll break free those chains, drag myself out on a long walk, I'll let nature fill my heart with breath just so I can gather courage to survive.

But,
the part of me where you've touched and left, I won't allow anyone to heal. Ever
I'll forever cherish those tiny little pieces and hug them tight to sleep, as night falls.

Hope is home
Your heart is free.



Author- Dr. Palak Roy

Pain Demands To Be Felt

The person, who can make you feel everything good, is also the one who can make you feel like nothing.

Connecting and loving a person isn’t hard. It’s about letting them go after everything they’ve done for you because of everything they’ve done to you. It’s hard because unknowingly, they became this part of your life that you thought was irreplaceable, moments so powerful they will remain frozen in time. It’s harder because somewhere down the line you starting defining every ounce of your self-worth by their opinion of you. Was I that weak? Am I that weak? Yes, I am. And it’s time I admit that out loud.I thot I am strong girl ,a girl who doesn't need anyone else..a girl who is self sufficient.. A girl who never thought would fall in love...but she did....with him.But then a Strom came up and ruined everything!

It’s like how John Green puts it, “You can never love a person as much as you miss them”. I’ve read the fault in our stars and the only thing that separated two teenagers in love was cancer. But what happens in real life is that the cancer is often metaphorical. The cancer is every mistake you make, the ego and the inability to accept that comes along with it, the inability to forgive and need for validation from the person that gave you all of the above feelings in the first place. No one else can fix this for you. People will often tell you, don’t ever let them go, they’re the best thing that ever happened to you. My mind whispers, weren’t they also the worst?

There’s a reason why quarter life existential crisis should now officially be a thing. It happens, and I feel it happening to everyone around me. But why does it feel like it’s just me right now? Because I learnt something called dependence. I learnt to lean on someone and when we couldn’t fix the one thing that went wrong, I knew my universe starting feeling like a black hole that was sucking out all the good that was ever there, including the good I created. When you give a part of your life to someone important, you’re subtly giving up a piece of yourself. So when you let them go, you’re letting yourself go too. You will listen to the Scientist on repeat, the line that says, “Oh, take me back to the start”, and because you’ve been the fixer your whole life you will keep trying. You will overanalyze and then teach yourself that people are replaceable. Did I sound harsh? Maybe. Is this the truth though? Yes.

Here is what fucks all of us up from the time we are teenagers: The conditioning that every story must have a happy ending. Because, sadness like everything negative must take a seat in that cupboard like the tea set your mother will only admire but not use. Remember when God punished Adam when he ate the apple? He brought seasons to the earth. Here is where Adam went wrong. The seasons didn’t merely refer to climatic conditions; they were also what people would do to each other. People are like seasons. Everything is happy and full of songs in the spring, summer will show you just how much heat the two of you will take, autumn is where the leaves will wither and so might the bond you share, rain is where you’ll hope that the water will cover up for the tears you can’t stop and then finally winter to give you nostalgia. Now nostalgia is a curse. It won’t just remind you of what you had, but what you have now and who you’ve become.

Here’s what the last person who was part of my fixing process left me:

“Funny how leaving is significant,

Some people actually left,

Some never left,

Quite a few never existed”.

And finally, here’s to the person who made me understand why I go through, what I go through:and I am Waiting for that person to come back to me..!

“Trauma is what you turn into a masterpiece”.
And I hope,wat we had gone through and what we are goin through will bring us closer, and our bond stronger

~Palak Roy

એક અરજ

Boulevard of broken dreams

The person, who can make you feel everything good, is also the one who can make you feel like nothing.

Connecting and loving a person isn’t hard. It’s about letting them go after everything they’ve done for you because of everything they’ve done to you. It’s hard because unknowingly, they became this part of your life that you thought was irreplaceable, moments so powerful they will remain frozen in time. It’s harder because somewhere down the line you starting defining every ounce of your self-worth by their opinion of you. Was I that weak? Am I that weak? Yes, I am. And it’s time I admit that out loud.I thot I am strong girl ,a girl who doesn't need anyone else..a girl who is self sufficient.. A girl who never thought would fall in love...but she did....with him.But then a Strom came up and ruined everything!

It’s like how John Green puts it, “You can never love a person as much as you miss them”. I’ve read the fault in our stars and the only thing that separated two teenagers in love was cancer. But what happens in real life is that the cancer is often metaphorical. The cancer is every mistake you make, the ego and the inability to accept that comes along with it, the inability to forgive and need for validation from the person that gave you all of the above feelings in the first place. No one else can fix this for you. People will often tell you, don’t ever let them go, they’re the best thing that ever happened to you. My mind whispers, weren’t they also the worst?

There’s a reason why quarter life existential crisis should now officially be a thing. It happens, and I feel it happening to everyone around me. But why does it feel like it’s just me right now? Because I learnt something called dependence. I learnt to lean on someone and when we couldn’t fix the one thing that went wrong, I knew my universe starting feeling like a black hole that was sucking out all the good that was ever there, including the good I created. When you give a part of your life to someone important, you’re subtly giving up a piece of yourself. So when you let them go, you’re letting yourself go too. You will listen to the Scientist on repeat, the line that says, “Oh, take me back to the start”, and because you’ve been the fixer your whole life you will keep trying. You will overanalyze and then teach yourself that people are replaceable. Did I sound harsh? Maybe. Is this the truth though? Yes.

Here is what fucks all of us up from the time we are teenagers: The conditioning that every story must have a happy ending. Because, sadness like everything negative must take a seat in that cupboard like the tea set your mother will only admire but not use. Remember when God punished Adam when he ate the apple? He brought seasons to the earth. Here is where Adam went wrong. The seasons didn’t merely refer to climatic conditions; they were also what people would do to each other. People are like seasons. Everything is happy and full of songs in the spring, summer will show you just how much heat the two of you will take, autumn is where the leaves will wither and so might the bond you share, rain is where you’ll hope that the water will cover up for the tears you can’t stop and then finally winter to give you nostalgia. Now nostalgia is a curse. It won’t just remind you of what you had, but what you have now and who you’ve become.

Here’s what the last person who was part of my fixing process left me:

“Funny how leaving is significant,

Some people actually left,

Some never left,

Quite a few never existed”.

And finally, here’s to the person who made me understand why I go through, what I go through:and I am Waiting for that person to come back to me..!

“Trauma is what you turn into a masterpiece”.
And I hope,wat we had gone through and what we are goin through will bring us closer, and our bond stronger

~Palak Roy

.... And I stil wait......

Those eyes, they don't look at me anymore the way they used to.
Those sparks, don't tingle a fire anymore: when he looks at me..
Those lips, they don't moisten anymore while talking to me..
What once used to be, doesn't remain anymore.

I don't find random texts which brings a smile onto my face when I wake up anymore nor do I find the smell of her bliss around me, anymore.
Sensations tingle, voices resound, but the presence is what doesn't remain.
Where distance, measures and binds love, within a boundary.

Confined here, I sketch the stars we used to envision together,
Some place, we'd call home. Some place, where there was noone except us..just him and me..while we were thousands miles apart: but we shared the same moon.The nights were the most special  part of our day ,where we actually talked about everything; about us. About 'Our' future. It was always a 'We' and never 'me' or 'you'
But you know, there are things that you can have, but can't keep.

The skies, which once used to bloom life, had now turned into a burden, which was doubled by gravity.
A load, which was once held by Atlas, and his beloved, Pleione. Together.

The grounds, which once yielded roses, remain barren today.
The Serengeti seems lonely these days, because the sunsets, have nobody to look at them.
Where the horizon stretches as far and deep, as the troughs within a rose's petals.
Which appear Today, as a scar in the heart.

Where colours, which once defined love, seem to fade.

I found home in his laughter, but it just doesn't seem the same anymore.
Change, remains the only constant.

Here, I defined love as my religion, and made her the sole purpose of my pilgrimage.
Where he stood as the figure to self esteem, love, and prosperity.
He was the purpose of my pilgrimage, that would lead me home. To him

But I guess he have found a new home. .And I can't  blame him for that...it was me who pushed him away,away from me.
It was me who who caused him heartache
It was me  only who was the reason for him to close the door of his heart
But it's true ..
U don't get second chances in life .
The heart doesn't mend so fast...
Or maybe the fellings go away with time...
Or maybe..people changes ..
Or maybe some mistakes are never forgettable.
Because maybe, I wasn't enough.
I wasn't enough to give me a second chance..
Enough, for him to let the world know.
Enough, to let the smile never fade away.
Enough, of what he wanted.

I remember watching him fall apart, because of a step hr couldn't master, even when hr tried or he is trying right now..to remain as distant as he could..
But, I also remember him running into me..when he is low...or when I am not well .I see him care.
He fells that things have changed..but how I do I accept this change,when I can see the same eyes..the eyes still looks at me,the way they used to.
The ears stills yearns to talk with me..
He still sings for me,though on being asked for ,but he still does.
So ..I guess
This, I called home. This, is What, I called success .

I remember
Weeping, because I thought I was a mess, hard times engulfing my thoughts.
Where death, was the sole escapade.
That was Where, I found him beside me.
I found home.

But we all know, that tremors are unpredictable, and one such, has left me here, forever.
A tremor, which tore all the walls apart, as I stood alone inside, while my home, caved in.
Still trapped, within the debris of my own heaven, which I once called home.

Just like the earth soaks in the rain,
He still remains.
His essence, still as fragrant as the smell of the earth, after a thunder.
But just doesn't feel the same anymore.

While he is a blooming rose with a cut stem, which was replanted,
I remain as one which once bloomed, but now, has wilted.

I still wait for 'me' and 'him' to be 'US' again

You Me and Our Little Infinities

So I have sat here for ages wondering how best to start this. How best to tell you what you mean to me. You know that I have “feelings” for you. Love is so clichéd a word for what I feel for you. And that word is thrown about so casually by people these days that I no longer like it that much.

But what can I do, I am limited by the words of the languages of the world. And none of the best come even close to defining you. And I know, you will not probably believe it if I tell you, but truth be told if I cannot have you in my life, I would rather not have any other guy. And God, it has been a long and hard journey to get to you. So much heartbreaks, so many tears, so many things that I did not understand, and I still don’t but if all of this means that we are together in the end, then I do not wish for anything else.

I told you, I am not a complicated girl who doesn't know what her priorities in her life her are and whatt kind of life she wants. I do not wish for much. A family is what I want as the first thing. Adventure and togetherness that is what I crave for. I am not a person who socialises too much. Oh I know a lot of people. A whole damn lot. But the number of people whom I count as my friends? I can count them on my fingers. And I probably won’t even need both hands.

But the ones I care for, I care very much. Some would probably say too much. Maybe they are right but I have always believed that love is not something that should be held back. I want to enjoy every damn thing there is. I want to sit beside you at 3 in the night and watch a movie. I want to take your hand and dance in an empty parking lot. I want to wake up beside you every day. Kiss you good night every single night. And hug you tight while you sleep.

You are all my hopes and all my dreams rolled into one. I need no others while you are with me. Everything I do is so that I can be closer to you. So that the “we” that I am dreaming of is possible. People tell me that it is unrealistic. That this is an obsession. That this will wear off. I doubt that. You want to know why?

Because even though it has been only few time since I got to first know you I still feel like I do not know you enough. Even though you have told me everything that you think there is to tell about you, I still can tell you millions which you never did and I had to find out for myself. And all I can do is sit around and wonder. How? How could something so pure survive out here? How is it possible that you do not see how beautifully amazing you are?

You will one day Monsieur. I promise.

Even if it takes me my whole life, one day you will see in yourself that which I have seen for in you. Since the time I know you Even if it took me a lot of time to get to it.

You know I have come to a realisation that there are only two loves that matter in someone’s life- the first and the last. The first because it changes us. And the last because it accepts us.

And I want you to be my last. And I believe you to be my last!
And I hope you will stay!
And no matter wat hardship might come into our way!
I just wana say....
You are the man of my dreams Monsieur!

The little drops of sunshine

"'The little drops of sunshine', he used to call them."

"The raindrops?"

"Yeah. I could never understand why sunshine though but then, I could not understand more than half of the things he did. So..."

"Nostalgia much? Mom?"

"Umm...hmm..."

"First date?"

"No."

"First kiss?"

"No."

"Then what?"

"Surity. 50 years ago after this day, we knew we will remain together till the end of time.
It was a rainy day and it was the day when those little drops of sunshine marked the beginning of something new.
It was the day when I became his poetry and he became my song,
It was the day when I became his painting and he became the colour of my life,
It was the day when I handed him over the strings of my life,
It was the day he handed me over his heart and his life,
It was the day when our love became this huge endless sea,
It was the day when I became his muse and he became my musing."

"Mom?"

"Hmm...?"

"You miss him, don't you?"

She swallowed the lump developing in her throat and managed to nod.

"Did dad know about him?"

She looked at her daughter intently.
Her daughter could read in her eyes what no one ever could