What keeps me up at night.....

The first time I looked at you

I wasn’t sure what to think.

But I got my answer

When I saw you judge me

Before you even knew my name.

Used me when you felt like it.

Because you were a friend I let you do it.

You think it doesn’t hurt me now?

Whenever I think of all the times

You rejected me ‘cause I didn’t fit?

But then time passed,

And I made myself to be the girl everyone wanted.

So I don’t know if you’re true

Because even you couldn’t resist

The pull of my magnet.

Make me believe you love me,

But still not give a f**k.

And I can’t do shit about it

‘Cause I gave you my heart

And now I’m stuck.

It hurts worse now.

‘Cause it’s like you’re obligated to stay.

And our promises didn’t matter;

How much I broke before you,

You still didn’t show you cared.

They say seeing is believing.

And all you do is showcase.

But not to me, to the world;

Even though it’s me

Who’s supposed to know you’re there.

And everyone thinks you’re perfect.

Hell, even I do so.

You’re like sunshine,

Good compassion;

But the sun has never been my home.

Either I don’t fall at all,

Or I fall so hard I don’t feel all else.

And that’s what I did,

I kept falling hard,

Even though I was only hurting myself.

We both knew this wasn’t forever.

Let’s face it, that doesn’t happen.

‘Cause I’m too f**ked up,

And now I’ve tainted you,

Though I wish we could just go back.

Back to the first time you looked at me,

When I wasn’t sure what to think.

And I wish I would’ve ended us,            

Before I found out

That you rejected me before you even knew my name.

~roy