Just Take off your Mask dear, and I would be yours forever!

Tell me about that photo frame on your desk
That picture you hide behind the one on display
Tell me about that black and white picture
That how is it so full of colours despite being colourless
Tell me about that boyish charm
That how it faded overtime
Tell me about that smile
That curve of near perfection
Tell me about those carefree eyes
That how they forgot to sparkle
Tell me about those scars
Those wounds that are still fresh
Tell me and shed the covers
Tell me and peel the layers in front of me
Show me your true self
Show me those scars and let me kiss them
Show me those vulnerabilities and let me walk you through your insecurities
Introduce me to your soul
Let me meet the real you
Let me greet it with a hug
Let me calm it with a kiss
Take off the mask
Of pretence and perfection
Bare yourself
And...and I promise that I shall never leave ..
I shall never leave...
I promise,i shall never leave!

© Dr. Palak Roy

....... And make me a Masterpiece....

Do not ask me how much I love you,
They have not invented a unit for it yet.

Just know that when I am beside you,
That is the only time I feel complete,
That when you lie next to me sleeping,
Your breath is the most calming noise ever.

I crave for your lips,
Your tongue,
Your hair,
Your neck,
Every piece of you I wish to be mine,
Making love instead of having sex,
This difference you have helped me find.

The time spent rushes by,
The gaps in between, never ending nights,
I stare at the stars in despair,
Knowing that somewhere you do it too.

And I wait for you like unfinished art,
Please come soon and complete me.

~


Original Author: Dr. Palak Roy

The Beggining of an End

And when you said it had to end, my heart skipped a bit.
Tears rolled down my cheeks such that it hurt so hard.
I fought to stop you, but in the end I had to just up and let you go. Well aware of the wars that lies ahead of you waiting to be fought. I didn't let you leave cause I was too weak. No, I let you leave cause you had goals to set, dreams to achieve, legacies to build, and a life of your own to pursue.

Your absence won't change a thing, it won't change a thing at all, of the affection I have for you. It will remain undeterred .

The feelings you've elicited in me will remain the way you left them. The memories you've gifted me will remain, engraved in such that no catastrophe will alter or replace them. Ever.

Images of you will be my souvenir
I'll forever cherish those days with you that made me smile a little wider, laugh a little harder, and feel a little fervently.
I'll seal that smile you've gifted me and keep it buried underneath my heart.

And as the nights draw nigh, I'll ponder upon those moments and engrave them once more deeper into my heart, clutch them a little tighter and shed tears until my eyes are empty of more.

And just maybe, one day, when my heart yearns for a a touch of breathe, I'll break free those chains, drag myself out on a long walk, I'll let nature fill my heart with breath just so I can gather courage to survive.

But,
the part of me where you've touched and left, I won't allow anyone to heal. Ever
I'll forever cherish those tiny little pieces and hug them tight to sleep, as night falls.

Hope is home
Your heart is free.



Author- Dr. Palak Roy

Pain Demands To Be Felt

The person, who can make you feel everything good, is also the one who can make you feel like nothing.

Connecting and loving a person isn’t hard. It’s about letting them go after everything they’ve done for you because of everything they’ve done to you. It’s hard because unknowingly, they became this part of your life that you thought was irreplaceable, moments so powerful they will remain frozen in time. It’s harder because somewhere down the line you starting defining every ounce of your self-worth by their opinion of you. Was I that weak? Am I that weak? Yes, I am. And it’s time I admit that out loud.I thot I am strong girl ,a girl who doesn't need anyone else..a girl who is self sufficient.. A girl who never thought would fall in love...but she did....with him.But then a Strom came up and ruined everything!

It’s like how John Green puts it, “You can never love a person as much as you miss them”. I’ve read the fault in our stars and the only thing that separated two teenagers in love was cancer. But what happens in real life is that the cancer is often metaphorical. The cancer is every mistake you make, the ego and the inability to accept that comes along with it, the inability to forgive and need for validation from the person that gave you all of the above feelings in the first place. No one else can fix this for you. People will often tell you, don’t ever let them go, they’re the best thing that ever happened to you. My mind whispers, weren’t they also the worst?

There’s a reason why quarter life existential crisis should now officially be a thing. It happens, and I feel it happening to everyone around me. But why does it feel like it’s just me right now? Because I learnt something called dependence. I learnt to lean on someone and when we couldn’t fix the one thing that went wrong, I knew my universe starting feeling like a black hole that was sucking out all the good that was ever there, including the good I created. When you give a part of your life to someone important, you’re subtly giving up a piece of yourself. So when you let them go, you’re letting yourself go too. You will listen to the Scientist on repeat, the line that says, “Oh, take me back to the start”, and because you’ve been the fixer your whole life you will keep trying. You will overanalyze and then teach yourself that people are replaceable. Did I sound harsh? Maybe. Is this the truth though? Yes.

Here is what fucks all of us up from the time we are teenagers: The conditioning that every story must have a happy ending. Because, sadness like everything negative must take a seat in that cupboard like the tea set your mother will only admire but not use. Remember when God punished Adam when he ate the apple? He brought seasons to the earth. Here is where Adam went wrong. The seasons didn’t merely refer to climatic conditions; they were also what people would do to each other. People are like seasons. Everything is happy and full of songs in the spring, summer will show you just how much heat the two of you will take, autumn is where the leaves will wither and so might the bond you share, rain is where you’ll hope that the water will cover up for the tears you can’t stop and then finally winter to give you nostalgia. Now nostalgia is a curse. It won’t just remind you of what you had, but what you have now and who you’ve become.

Here’s what the last person who was part of my fixing process left me:

“Funny how leaving is significant,

Some people actually left,

Some never left,

Quite a few never existed”.

And finally, here’s to the person who made me understand why I go through, what I go through:and I am Waiting for that person to come back to me..!

“Trauma is what you turn into a masterpiece”.
And I hope,wat we had gone through and what we are goin through will bring us closer, and our bond stronger

~Palak Roy

એક અરજ

Boulevard of broken dreams

The person, who can make you feel everything good, is also the one who can make you feel like nothing.

Connecting and loving a person isn’t hard. It’s about letting them go after everything they’ve done for you because of everything they’ve done to you. It’s hard because unknowingly, they became this part of your life that you thought was irreplaceable, moments so powerful they will remain frozen in time. It’s harder because somewhere down the line you starting defining every ounce of your self-worth by their opinion of you. Was I that weak? Am I that weak? Yes, I am. And it’s time I admit that out loud.I thot I am strong girl ,a girl who doesn't need anyone else..a girl who is self sufficient.. A girl who never thought would fall in love...but she did....with him.But then a Strom came up and ruined everything!

It’s like how John Green puts it, “You can never love a person as much as you miss them”. I’ve read the fault in our stars and the only thing that separated two teenagers in love was cancer. But what happens in real life is that the cancer is often metaphorical. The cancer is every mistake you make, the ego and the inability to accept that comes along with it, the inability to forgive and need for validation from the person that gave you all of the above feelings in the first place. No one else can fix this for you. People will often tell you, don’t ever let them go, they’re the best thing that ever happened to you. My mind whispers, weren’t they also the worst?

There’s a reason why quarter life existential crisis should now officially be a thing. It happens, and I feel it happening to everyone around me. But why does it feel like it’s just me right now? Because I learnt something called dependence. I learnt to lean on someone and when we couldn’t fix the one thing that went wrong, I knew my universe starting feeling like a black hole that was sucking out all the good that was ever there, including the good I created. When you give a part of your life to someone important, you’re subtly giving up a piece of yourself. So when you let them go, you’re letting yourself go too. You will listen to the Scientist on repeat, the line that says, “Oh, take me back to the start”, and because you’ve been the fixer your whole life you will keep trying. You will overanalyze and then teach yourself that people are replaceable. Did I sound harsh? Maybe. Is this the truth though? Yes.

Here is what fucks all of us up from the time we are teenagers: The conditioning that every story must have a happy ending. Because, sadness like everything negative must take a seat in that cupboard like the tea set your mother will only admire but not use. Remember when God punished Adam when he ate the apple? He brought seasons to the earth. Here is where Adam went wrong. The seasons didn’t merely refer to climatic conditions; they were also what people would do to each other. People are like seasons. Everything is happy and full of songs in the spring, summer will show you just how much heat the two of you will take, autumn is where the leaves will wither and so might the bond you share, rain is where you’ll hope that the water will cover up for the tears you can’t stop and then finally winter to give you nostalgia. Now nostalgia is a curse. It won’t just remind you of what you had, but what you have now and who you’ve become.

Here’s what the last person who was part of my fixing process left me:

“Funny how leaving is significant,

Some people actually left,

Some never left,

Quite a few never existed”.

And finally, here’s to the person who made me understand why I go through, what I go through:and I am Waiting for that person to come back to me..!

“Trauma is what you turn into a masterpiece”.
And I hope,wat we had gone through and what we are goin through will bring us closer, and our bond stronger

~Palak Roy

.... And I stil wait......

Those eyes, they don't look at me anymore the way they used to.
Those sparks, don't tingle a fire anymore: when he looks at me..
Those lips, they don't moisten anymore while talking to me..
What once used to be, doesn't remain anymore.

I don't find random texts which brings a smile onto my face when I wake up anymore nor do I find the smell of her bliss around me, anymore.
Sensations tingle, voices resound, but the presence is what doesn't remain.
Where distance, measures and binds love, within a boundary.

Confined here, I sketch the stars we used to envision together,
Some place, we'd call home. Some place, where there was noone except us..just him and me..while we were thousands miles apart: but we shared the same moon.The nights were the most special  part of our day ,where we actually talked about everything; about us. About 'Our' future. It was always a 'We' and never 'me' or 'you'
But you know, there are things that you can have, but can't keep.

The skies, which once used to bloom life, had now turned into a burden, which was doubled by gravity.
A load, which was once held by Atlas, and his beloved, Pleione. Together.

The grounds, which once yielded roses, remain barren today.
The Serengeti seems lonely these days, because the sunsets, have nobody to look at them.
Where the horizon stretches as far and deep, as the troughs within a rose's petals.
Which appear Today, as a scar in the heart.

Where colours, which once defined love, seem to fade.

I found home in his laughter, but it just doesn't seem the same anymore.
Change, remains the only constant.

Here, I defined love as my religion, and made her the sole purpose of my pilgrimage.
Where he stood as the figure to self esteem, love, and prosperity.
He was the purpose of my pilgrimage, that would lead me home. To him

But I guess he have found a new home. .And I can't  blame him for that...it was me who pushed him away,away from me.
It was me who who caused him heartache
It was me  only who was the reason for him to close the door of his heart
But it's true ..
U don't get second chances in life .
The heart doesn't mend so fast...
Or maybe the fellings go away with time...
Or maybe..people changes ..
Or maybe some mistakes are never forgettable.
Because maybe, I wasn't enough.
I wasn't enough to give me a second chance..
Enough, for him to let the world know.
Enough, to let the smile never fade away.
Enough, of what he wanted.

I remember watching him fall apart, because of a step hr couldn't master, even when hr tried or he is trying right now..to remain as distant as he could..
But, I also remember him running into me..when he is low...or when I am not well .I see him care.
He fells that things have changed..but how I do I accept this change,when I can see the same eyes..the eyes still looks at me,the way they used to.
The ears stills yearns to talk with me..
He still sings for me,though on being asked for ,but he still does.
So ..I guess
This, I called home. This, is What, I called success .

I remember
Weeping, because I thought I was a mess, hard times engulfing my thoughts.
Where death, was the sole escapade.
That was Where, I found him beside me.
I found home.

But we all know, that tremors are unpredictable, and one such, has left me here, forever.
A tremor, which tore all the walls apart, as I stood alone inside, while my home, caved in.
Still trapped, within the debris of my own heaven, which I once called home.

Just like the earth soaks in the rain,
He still remains.
His essence, still as fragrant as the smell of the earth, after a thunder.
But just doesn't feel the same anymore.

While he is a blooming rose with a cut stem, which was replanted,
I remain as one which once bloomed, but now, has wilted.

I still wait for 'me' and 'him' to be 'US' again